My body, my style, and a bit of krama

So with new developments on the hip and knee front I have decided to buckle down and rehabilitate. Have always pretty much stuck with a relatively traditional practice but now, it just wouldn't be yoga to plough my way through. After all, what is yoga? Asana are to keep the body strong, supple and running smoothly biologically and energetically. I can still practice Ashtanga in the true sense of the eight limbs. 

Don't think I realised quite how much boarding both on snow and in sea kept my legs and hips strong and stable. Now all the weirdness in my practice over the years has come into focus. I thought my clonks and aches were just normal, that everyone had this. Seems that I was doing it right by the extra leg work exercise.  There will be no body boarding this year, so it's gonna be all down to my asana practice to get my strength back.

Right now I need some maintenance work. Am sticking with a intermediate framework. Lots of standing poses, especially work on gluteus medius and minimus, to keep that trochanter where it should be. Have found the one legged toes holds for extended periods and eagle pose are reaching the parts that need working on. Then am using the Krama, thanks to inspiration from Grimmly, sequencing for locust poses, the Bow Pose Sequence. Not a world away from Jois ashtanga, just a lot more build up and repetition, and sequenced very diferently, really working on and into the core of key asana. Can really feel that this yoga came from the same source so still feel like I am being true to my ashtanga roots.  Shall also work on the arm balances, and back bending.  Leaving of the leg behind head poses and tittibhasana well alone for a while, until I've stabilised my hips and the knee pain is gone.

Am actually quite excited.  Today's pincha mayurasana was great, even getting nearer vrishchikasana.  Mayurasana is a way off but shall work on that.  Back bends were also good, keeping legs grounded and strong.  Am feeling today's practice in all the right places.  Lotus will be off the menu for a little while, as will most bent knee asana but there is so much more out there.  This is fun, was so stuck in my regular practice, attached to the desire to complete intermediate series. It's actually rather refreshing to let go, and walk down a different road for a little while.  May even try to blog a little more...

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Those were the words that struck me in Haruki Murakami's book, 'What I talk about when I talk about running'. This has been pure masochistic reading material. I used to really enjoy running, and was about to start up again, knee on the mend, ordered this book to pep me up for the occasional jog around the neighbourhood. I enjoy the simplicity of running, just one foot in front of the other, breathing and taking in the view. But alas, not for a while longer, my knee popped again, more days of hobbling around, trying not to suffer but doing a terrible job. Reading about running, longing my knee to heal, obsessing about what could be wrong. Pouring over anatomy books, internet sites, fiddling with bones and ligaments, trying to find the cause. I knew it was definitely coming from my hip, but why? I'm very very careful with my alignment, not too forceful, my hips aren't so tight that I've been forcing lotus.　　


Was feeling down, not just because of the pain, but because I didn't know exactly what the source of this pain was. The only thing I’d been doing differently was working hard at both legs behind head……a valid enough cause perhaps, and had been experimenting with lifting my heels coming up from backbends in order to keep my feet parallel. Something I remember being told not to do a long time ago, by whom, I can’t remember but something about too much pressure on knees was mentioned.

This morning I gave up and went to the doctor. The doctor who gives me lessons. This time was quite a surprise, he pulled and prodded, questioned and listened. I like this doctor. So many doctors here just don't listen. Off I was sent for x-rays. Wasn't too keen, what with all the radiation talk about, but hey, top me up a bit more!! So it seems that I have something called developmental dysplasia of hips, very shallow hip sockets, which is quite rare in Caucasians, cartilage is normal hence the hip pain, hence the clonkiness of my femurs not quite in place, shifting position and putting pressure on my knee, thus slightly damaging my medial meniscus. He said it would have been very easy for me to dislocate my hips as a child, I do remember being very open in ballet class. So the recent change was probably brought on my me losing the muscle that was keeping my femur in place, abrupt ending to snowboarding, and no body boarding this year, and by lots of stretching.....so here we go again, knee rehabilitation part 2. 　Experiments with Ashtanga yoga. How much modification will be needed unttil this one heals. For now I have to really work on building the muscles that stabiliｓe my hip joints. A lovely lady in rehabilitation gave me some tips, most of which I can insert into my practice. Ride my bike up mountains more, and see how it goes.

Amazingly, now I have an answer, even though the pain is the same, I feel considerably less suffering.

Reading the Air 空気を読む

Practicing with people, or perhaps that should be practicing to practice with people. I am not very good at it, it seems. I am used to my own company, which can be pretty bad, but I don't have to deal with others eccentricities while working on my own.

A rare morning practice in company. Very nice on the heat, sweat、concentration, and companionship on this solitary ashtanga path.

But oh do I need some practice in tolerance. Savasana could be said to be my most difficult asana to stay in. Teacher after teacher have warned, advised and cautioned me to prolong my rest at the end. After all it is when, as one teacher said, we absorb the energy created in the practice and when healing occurs. I always feel a little restless and tend to jump up and want to continue with my day, I need an alarm set and optimal conditions to get into it, as in warmth and silence and sometimes a good smell. But when in a group and others finish their practice and proceed to bang, clomp, thud and wipe mats continuously, it tests me. I have never experienced such avid mat wiping and organising of bags as in Japan. Not all but there is always one. OK so I do need to work on my tolerance, but I do think others also need to work on their awareness.

Developing awareness of fellow practitioners can be one of the most valuable practices, one which we can continue to practice throughout the day, to be aware of our impact on others, how our actions, words, even thoughts affect those around us.

In Japanese they call this skill reading the air, I love that expression and am trying hard to refine my air reading skills.

空気を読む

Someone who can’t read the air is one who is socially oblivious, most of us non Japanese fall into this category when we arrive here, but I hope I am learning something and am getting better at this practice. A lot isn’t said in social interactions, the Japanese really are a bunch of air readers, things don’t have to be spelt out, I love that part of this culture, but it can be the most difficult and frustrating.

What are other's pet shala peeves?  Mine would have to be the noisy chattery wipe cleaners and those who make breezes wafting their rugs around.....something about that gust of wind on sweaty skin that the vata in me just does not find pleasant...  anyone else?

Bakasana B: Third time lucky

First time in a week to have a slightly calmer mind; the recent sunshine plus an outing with a borrowed geiger counter yesterday seemed to help calm a few fears. If it's not bad enough feeling for all those who have lost homes, for those who are still, and will be for a long time, working at the nuclear power plants, for those who are trying to rebuild their lives from scratch, while dealing with intense loss, those of us in very close proximity to all this have to deal with all kinds of rumors. Fear inducing paranoid rumors. However, due to the nature of radiation and governments one can't always be sure what is true what is real and who is crazy. Yet an outing with a geiger counter whilst enjoying some of my favourite spots was fun. Everything normal and measured, hard scientific fact to calm my emotional mind.  Thank god for friends with geiger counters.

Today's practice was joyful. I even managed a little lotus, after being out of action for quite a while now. Not pushing it, but it's healing and all is coming back. Even managed very messily to get both legs behind my head.

But today's focus was on Bakasana. I just cannot manage to straighten my arms in Bakasana A. Am thinking it's an uddiyana bandha thing, need to lift up more from my core, curve my back and widen and pull down my shoulders. Then there is the mysterious Bakasana B, I can only ever land it on the third attempt, which is fine, first is always too high, second usually a head plonk and third leaves me just satisfied enough to continue on with the series.

Wanted to upload a video, but don't seem to be able to, gotta figure this out, not sure if it's my computer, or internet connection or something else... so a photo of a Bakasana A will have to surfice.

Vata gone haywire

Every questionnaire, ayurvedic doctor, friends in the know have told me, I am very vata-pitta. When I first read about my dosha it rang hilariously true! A consultation with a Ayurvedic doctor in India two years ago said I am Vata-Pitta with a Pitta imbalance. I have always related more to the angry, irritable, hot and sweaty pitta in me. Although everyone else pins the vata label to me straight away. Now my vata side is really rearing it's head and taking control, enough for me to sit up and take note, why have I always denied the vata in me, when it is clearly my ruling dosha.

My thoughts are all over the place, ideas springing up but sadly with not much follow through. I have note books full of plans, sketches, thoughts, all of which have not been taken through the necessary steps to completion. Half-baked.

My eating and sleeping would be even more erratic if it weren't for my incredibly stable and grounded husband. Even that can feel a bit like being tied down and I often feel the need to cut free and whirl off on my own hot air - but in reality he is more like the rigging to my sail - without which who knows what wind would carry me off. As it is, I billow and puff, flutter and flail in one general direction. When vata eases pitta can come through, and it's time to roll up my sleeves and get down to the nitty gritty.

As of 11th of March, vata has been disturbed, to put it mildly. When the ground, which I was trying hard to stay rooted to in the first place, decided to shake and ripple, the darker side of vata, fear, worry and anxiety have been taking their hold. It creeps up on me during the day, all of a sudden I am fearful and full of worry. One worrisome thought leads to the next and the next and then I'm in a big old whirlwind of a tiz. Centre scattered and sent keeling off tilter. After shocks, radiation, and strong strong winds blowing in yellow sands from China. This windy vata girl needs to stand firm and strong.

Ashtanga has been doing a fine job helping me ground. The strong steady asana of primary series, combined with ujayi, a dash of calming pranayama and most importantly the wonderful yoga community both virtual and physical. Reading blogs, the positive ones, and trying to keep away from the dooms days freak me out ones, really don't need anymore fuel for the fire. It is not easy living here right now. Classes have been filled with wonderful people who are joining together in this practice at this difficult time. The energy and comradeship is amazing. Everyone enjoying the power of their combined energy, to practice in a group really is a special thing. I still remember Sri K P Jois counting a New Years day class of about 60 people, the sound as everyone inhaled into upward facing dog. One of my best memories. So different from a lone practice, which does have it’s highs too, my very stable and steady pitta friend comes from time to time to practice with me – makes a huge difference. I am thankful for the simple things, friends, love, flowers and stable ground.

Om shanti

Clutter Cleaned and a Painful Primary

Ouch, why did primary hurt my legs so much today?  Think all that walking in Tokyo with very flimsy ballet flats took its toll.  Today I felt like I was dragging feet of concrete through practice and lumbered straight into finishing after Navasana, just couldn't do it today. Bad lady!  Ha ha ha!

On a good note, my annual spring clutter clean has been successful...still in progress but feel like I have a whole new room.  Serious change in energy.  I can think again.  Am very excited about all the things I can do in my new space.  One big change is a new piece of furniture that was handed down to me. Isn't it cute? It's a traditional Japanese tea cupboard, but is perfect for my little office space. Trying to move away from plastic which is so prevalent here in Japan.  This has made a huge difference to the atmosphere.

Every time I start ,  I re-read my clutter bible, 'Clear Your Clutter with Freng Shui' by Karen Kingston.  Anyone out there in a bit of a rut, a mess, confusion, or just want to make life flow more smoothly, I highly recommend this book.

Full of gems of wisdom and words of motivation to achieve, clarity, simplicity and the physical, mental and energetic space to create and be.

She talks about the flow of energy in the house, the energy in the objects and how these effect your energy.  Also certain areas of the house represent certain areas of life.  It is fascinating to see which areas of your life your clutter acculmulates in.  My biggest clutter section is my prosperity, weath and abundance section, and it is indeed rather stagnant and jumbled.

A lot is common sense, but it is the best pep talk ever!  She has written sections on every kind of clutter and strategies to deal with it. My two personal problem areas are clothes, I just can't let go, fabric and paper work.   My goal of a simple, free, light, energetic living space gets closer and closer. 

"When you get rid of everything which has no real meaning or significance for you, you literally feel lighter in body, mind and spirit."

"When your things get jumbled up and confused, the strands between you and them become like entangled spaghetti.  This creates stress and confusion in your life rather than the peace and clarity which comes from knowing where things are."

"A major clear-out is absolutely essential if you truly want to have passion, jay and happiness in your life.  These feelings are the experience of great energy flowing through your body and this cannot happen if your channels are clogged"

"No matter how many possessions you have, you never feel secure.  True security can only come from knowing who you are and what you are here to do."

"The territorialism and desire to possess things comes directly from the ego, which strives to own and control things"

Existential Happiness

The Myth of Sisyphus, has this week provided me with a little thought nutrition and so I have manged to roll my as....ana up the hill through injury, which, by the way, is getting better. There I was, miserably imagining myself a sisyphus, doomed to work through yet another modified practice.

Why have I always thought exestentialism to be so bleak? The absurdity of our existence, doing the same thing over and over again, not just ball rolling asana but everything, waking, eating, sleeping, working, cleaning, conversations. Yet this is life. Years ago the routine, the repetitiveness, depressed  me, I had to give up my existential reading in order to get out of bed and deal with life.

But now, since daily yoga practice, I have become more at peace with existing, and found a happiness less dependent upon external factors.  Still very much a work in progress, but there IS progress.  Especially with  ashtanga, practicing the sequence over and over and over and over, going deeper and deeper.  The forms are the same yet the currents run deep. Repetitive, yet always different. I never would have thought that after seven years of primary I am still very much engaged with the practice, still discovering, not just the phsycial, but the mental, the energetics, the whole lifestyle, the never ending practice that is life.  Enjoy the process. 

The words of Albert Camus hit the yogic spot

"The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart.  One must imagine Sisyphus happy"

Be happy to exist.

Happy to practice everything.

Oh and big thanks to my fellow ashtangi artist friend Birgit Deubner for letting me post her photos of "Sisyphus Dungbeetle"  which she rolled around the city of Liverpool.