Broken Heart and Backbends

I'd avoided intermediate series for a little while directly after the earthquake, as it is such a heart opening and nerve stimulating practice, I felt I didn't need my heart opened any further when it was already torn to shreds. My heart is open, I have deep empathy and I'll admit I am highly strung,. When I watch the news my heart breaks, every time. It's bad enough for the survivors of the quake, often overcome with feelings of guilt at having survived, when their whole family perished, losing everything they’d worked hard for a whole life, but there is some modicum of focus to rebuild and start again. The destruction was visible, violent, yet it's happened. Over, reconstruction is under way.

It's Fukushima that is shredding my heart to pieces. Every time I see these poor confused, fearful faces on T.V. discussing matters, that until now it was only necessary for nuclear physicists to fully comprehend. There is confusion, and fear. Fear of the unknown, the unseen. The fact is much about radiation is still unknown, we know it is harmful, and that it works in mysterious ways. I have learnt a lot these last few months, we all have. You may say it's their fault for living in close proximity, for allowing these things to be done, but with the force of the government and rich corporations spending big yen to persuade, brain wash people into believing it's safe the regular farmer will go along, trusting the government not to put it's own people at risk. I shall not go into things here, it's not the place, I just want to say it's truly breaking my heart. Fukushima is a beautiful idyllic place. Many of these people work the land, have big old beautiful houses, some with gardens tended over generations, and they are being asked to leave. Or rather in some cases given the choice to leave. Where the radiation levels are clearly maxing out evacuation is mandatory. But where the accumulated dose over a year would equal that of a nuclear power worker's limit, they are given a choice.

I want to offer yogic condolences, suggest reading the Bhagavad-Gita, and the Yoga Sutras, find spiritual comfort and start life anew somewhere else. But these are normal people, attached to their land, possessions, many elderly, planning to live out their years amongst the things they have earnt, worked for and accumulated.

My heart breaks and breaks.

Of course the situation made me look at my life. I had dreams about evacuation, what to take, I was on the bus fleeing from the unseen danger seeping from the nuclear plant. I have been on a minimal possession  route since university. Well it's always been my ideal. however recent years saw this slip and I accumulated. For the past three years I have been steadily reducing, simplifying and clearing. I have no particular bonds to land. I could be happy here, in the UK, in India, the US. For me, on good days, I like to feel the world is my home.

Today was another relatively good practice, as good as it gets with this heavy heart, almost back on form. I try not to dwell, it does no good, but it's tough. Fukushima is our neighbour, I have many friends there. Some sticking it out at their posts, others nearer the plant moving away. One couple are hoping to move here.

To backbend intensely, or not? I feel that my heart needs relief, but is a little sore.

I'm doing minimal at the moment, three from the floor and then about 5 drop backs, it does feel good. Kapotasana was a lovely stretch, hip flexors aching pleasantly today. Haven't taken a photo for a few years, there is a little change. Feet still splayed to stand up, this picture was just before standing up. It's good to see the photographic evidence. Makes it clear where I need to work. My chest and shoulders seem fine, it's those hip flexors that need some attention.  Hmm, more drop backs tomorrow.  Was impressed with Grimmly's 108, I thought I'd go for a modest 35 first.  It looked like it felt sooooo good.

Yoga Chikitsa and Nuclear Meltdown.

Was waiting for all this to be over before I posted again, but it's looking like that could be a long time.

It has been a very tense and heartbreaking three weeks. People on the verge of tears.  Meeting  friends, students, at some point we will well up.  It really is just such a horrendously enormous disaster. Physcially, mentally we're ok here in Yamagata City, but emotions are raw.

Feeling bad for all those people who haven't had the support of a yoga practice and community both material and cyber.  This is where the power of yoga is.  Bringing people together on a higher plane of being. To coin a phrase (sorry can't remember the name of the Zen Ashtangi) I've been trying to 'practice heroically'.  It's tough at times to focus under these circumstances, but practicing primary everyday, often with a friend, with Sharath's CD has been a comfort. Just to listen, surrender and breathe.  One of my students wrote, its for times like these that we have been training in yoga., to make our mind, body and spirit strong.   I have even more faith in Yoga Chikitsa now, my body is sorted, mind is following, and emotions, well that'll come in time, keep breathing, practicing, oh and that teeny left over of shoulder weirdness...GONE, along with four kilos of weight....nerves'll do that to ya!
For my small part I've tried to keep our group together in spirit, we've had some classes and people are practising hard, like they need it.  Which of course we all do. I shall help with donations, with a primary  led class for charity. When the time is right I'd really like to offer more.  One of the most difficult things is being so close but relatively useless, everyone wants to help. 

The first few days really were quite terrifying, and I'm not even in a disaster zone, just the neighbour of three.  But talks of nuclear explosions and melt down, radiation levels, winds, possiblity of another big earthquake anytime anywhere, constant constant tremours. Subtle vibrations, shakes, jolts. There was a lack of information, or rather lots of things being written but trying to find the facts, what is actually happening, what do we need to do to prepare. Reseach skills have seriously been honed, as has my knowlege of nuclear reactors and radiation. New respect for the services and miltary, and eyes opened to the workings of mass media.  I have been sticking to technical reports and serious, informed journalism. I must say the government broadcasting messages have been really good at keeping people calm. Information is out there, after the weather forcast we have now a radiation level forcast.  Each prefecture also publish hourly updates on air radition levels, and daily for water and food.  For the first week many slept ready to grab their survival pack and get out of the house.  There is a fault line near here, if a big quake occured there would be liquification of land in one area.  Nerves frayed, heart races at every tremor. Tremors experienced in shouldstand and urdvha padmasana were two of the more memorable ones.  But these are worries, worries don't actually exist, some mind control needed here, ok prepare, but don't worry. 

Still there is so much suffering around, so much, the consequences are vast and seemingly never ending. Those courageous workers in Fukushima battling away, other's trying to just survive day to day in the massive clear up.  Nerves are frayed and lives have been destroyed the situation in the worst hit areas is tense, people are starting to crack. The tsunami has produced 23 years worth of rubbish.  Just that is unfathomable, what will be done with it all?   However the human spirit is strong and will overcome, support is coming in, in all shape and form.  The motto here is: all that can be done is just to do whatever it is you can do. For the most part that means carrying on with daily life, keep money circulating, keep society ticking over.

Thanks to everyone keeping Japan in their thoughts, a lot of positive energy is needed, it really makes a difference. x