Broken Heart and Backbends

I'd avoided intermediate series for a little while directly after the earthquake, as it is such a heart opening and nerve stimulating practice, I felt I didn't need my heart opened any further when it was already torn to shreds. My heart is open, I have deep empathy and I'll admit I am highly strung,. When I watch the news my heart breaks, every time. It's bad enough for the survivors of the quake, often overcome with feelings of guilt at having survived, when their whole family perished, losing everything they’d worked hard for a whole life, but there is some modicum of focus to rebuild and start again. The destruction was visible, violent, yet it's happened. Over, reconstruction is under way.

It's Fukushima that is shredding my heart to pieces. Every time I see these poor confused, fearful faces on T.V. discussing matters, that until now it was only necessary for nuclear physicists to fully comprehend. There is confusion, and fear. Fear of the unknown, the unseen. The fact is much about radiation is still unknown, we know it is harmful, and that it works in mysterious ways. I have learnt a lot these last few months, we all have. You may say it's their fault for living in close proximity, for allowing these things to be done, but with the force of the government and rich corporations spending big yen to persuade, brain wash people into believing it's safe the regular farmer will go along, trusting the government not to put it's own people at risk. I shall not go into things here, it's not the place, I just want to say it's truly breaking my heart. Fukushima is a beautiful idyllic place. Many of these people work the land, have big old beautiful houses, some with gardens tended over generations, and they are being asked to leave. Or rather in some cases given the choice to leave. Where the radiation levels are clearly maxing out evacuation is mandatory. But where the accumulated dose over a year would equal that of a nuclear power worker's limit, they are given a choice.

I want to offer yogic condolences, suggest reading the Bhagavad-Gita, and the Yoga Sutras, find spiritual comfort and start life anew somewhere else. But these are normal people, attached to their land, possessions, many elderly, planning to live out their years amongst the things they have earnt, worked for and accumulated.

My heart breaks and breaks.

Of course the situation made me look at my life. I had dreams about evacuation, what to take, I was on the bus fleeing from the unseen danger seeping from the nuclear plant. I have been on a minimal possession  route since university. Well it's always been my ideal. however recent years saw this slip and I accumulated. For the past three years I have been steadily reducing, simplifying and clearing. I have no particular bonds to land. I could be happy here, in the UK, in India, the US. For me, on good days, I like to feel the world is my home.

Today was another relatively good practice, as good as it gets with this heavy heart, almost back on form. I try not to dwell, it does no good, but it's tough. Fukushima is our neighbour, I have many friends there. Some sticking it out at their posts, others nearer the plant moving away. One couple are hoping to move here.

To backbend intensely, or not? I feel that my heart needs relief, but is a little sore.

I'm doing minimal at the moment, three from the floor and then about 5 drop backs, it does feel good. Kapotasana was a lovely stretch, hip flexors aching pleasantly today. Haven't taken a photo for a few years, there is a little change. Feet still splayed to stand up, this picture was just before standing up. It's good to see the photographic evidence. Makes it clear where I need to work. My chest and shoulders seem fine, it's those hip flexors that need some attention.  Hmm, more drop backs tomorrow.  Was impressed with Grimmly's 108, I thought I'd go for a modest 35 first.  It looked like it felt sooooo good.

Fragrant Potions

Yesterday I dragged my body, kicking and screaming, through a very difficult intermediate series, like it was a bag of bricks, a screaming bag with sharp corners. Lumpy, heavy and achy. Every emotion decided to raise it's head, and nearly dozed off at one point. Concentration at an all time low. But I made it to the end and felt moderately better for doing so.

Took myseｌf to a hot spring, the bath was amazing, but was not in the mood for being stared at....being a white non-japanese person is still of interest to people here. Reminded me why I don't go out on Sunday's much unless it's up a mountain or in the ocean. I don't like being gawped at. Especially when having a bath.

Next was an aromatherapy class, held by a lady in one of my yoga classes. Glad I went, she taught us how to making a detoxifying massage oil.

I felt like a witch. I've always wanted to be a witch. She told us the properties of five oils good for detoxifying, then we selected the ones we liked, combining and proportions was left to us. Everyone's smelt totally different.

My mixture was:

Cypress: good for calming and soothing anger and irritability, relieving arthritis, cellulite, rheumatism, varicose veins, calms nerves.

Grapefruit: good for muscle fatigue, moodiness, mental and physical tiredness. Muscle stiffness, cellulite and bolstering the nervous system. Helps clear lymphatic system, stimulates and clears toxins.

Juniper: Calms nerves, relieves anxiety and mental exhaustion. Tonic effect on the liver. Relieves inflammation and eliminates uric acid, so relieves pain or rheumatism and arthritis. Good for study, concentration and spiritual awakening.

We were taught how to massage, with a focus on lymph glands and eliminating toxins. Like a good student I followed orders had a bath, drank lots of water and slathered on the oil　before bed. Felt nice, smelt good. Had a long deep sleep.

However, it wasn't until I practiced this morning that I noticed I felt a little more bendy, lighter, generally better. Something seemed to work. Shall definitely be trying that again.

Reading recommendations anyone?

Practice before reading the news was good,. Felt much steadier and more enjoyable, not so much craziness in my mind to calm first thing in the day. Instead I finished off the Bhagavadgita with morning tea. Such a slim text, but dense, perfect pre-practice reading. 

Think I shall have to restrict my news intake to basic checks once a day. It's just that I like to know, to know what's going on, and then why? What are the effects, what's happening around me. It's just that there is SO much bad news right now. It's overwhelming. The papers hop around from crisis to crisis.

The other morning I spent reading a text summerising A LOT of Chernobyl research, the final chapter: Decorporation of Chernobyl Radionuclides was of particular interest...hmmmm well information is power.

Time for a rest.

However living an area with the biggest nuclear crisis in history unfolding is tough. Even without the news my equanimity is disturbed. A visit from a friend with radiation on his mind, followed by a visiting student to class. His face look disturbed and his practice was intense, he hung around to chat. He was from a radiation hot spot area, there is a certain look of intense stress and ingrained fear that these people wear, very distinct expression. He is looking for a place to move to. We talked and talked. I tried to keep my mind from racing off into fear. Need to keep clear, to read the situation. Think he needed to talk, he face lightened a little and I could see his real self. Tough times, tough conversations, soul searching and decision making. At the end of our talk he asked where I was from and then told me I had a very eastern perspective on things.

So I shall continue to monitor the radiation here, and pray with all my might that something can be done to get this under control. Pray also that people have the power to do what they need to do.

The Bhagavadgita lent me inspiration of a strange bent, but the words resonated and offered a degree of comfort. These are the parts that resonated this time round, wonder what will next time I read it. 

Anyone read a particularly good translation? I have a feeling there maybe some better ones out there. And think I could read another version quite happily. What other inspirational books do people read? Or maybe I should just stick to escaping into novels again......

BVG2:47

Set thy heart upon thy work, but never on its reward. Work not for a reward; but never cease to work.

BVG6:17

A harmony in eating and resting, in sleeping and keeping awake; a perfection in whatever one does. This is the Yoga that gives peace from all pain.

BVG12:13

The man who has a good will for all, who is friendly and has compassion; who has no thoughts of 'I' or 'mine', whose peace is the same in pleasures and sorrows, and who is forgiving;

BVG12:15

He whose peace is not shaken by others, and before whom other people find peace, beyond excitement and anger and fear - he is dear to me.

BVG12:18

The man whose love is the same for his enemies or his friends, whose soul is the same in honour or disgrace, who is beyond heat or cold, or pleasure or pain, who is free from the chains of attachments.

BVG13:63

Freedom from the chains of attachments; even from a selfish attachment to one's children, wife, or home; an ever-present evenness of mind in pleasant or unpleasant events;

Intermediate, no krama insertions today. But full standing sequence, love the homey feel of it, and it felt good to do a more 'pure' practice for once. Still pain at times, and still definitely no leg behind head or lotus. But as I said I am concentrating on what I　can do.  Shall do more Krama on days when I can practice for longer.

That's better

Haa, feels like a breath of fresh air not to be writing on black anymore.  I am very much NOT a black person, and I really think my blog colour was having an effect on me. 

I really do believe, and feel the effect colours have on us, I love to have bright, airy colours around me.  Why oh why did I do the black blog for sooo long. 

Today's practice was cramped and forced, I really wasn't in the mood, so I did standing, slowly, slowly, slowly and a long savasana.  Felt good.  I must also change my morning routine.  I think I need to get on the mat before I check the news and take a look at the radiation levels.  It\s become a habit I am not too fond of.  Morning routines can really set the scene for the day, don't you think?  Think news after breakfast is probably a better idea right now.

Ahhh blue blog.  Feels good.

Charity Yoga

Yesterday we gathered up the mountain for an early summer solstice celebration. Two days early because more people can come on a Sunday, and I wanted to donate proceeds to the earthquake fund. Last year we gathered on the solstice, at 5.30am, but this year it was a much easier time of 7.30am.  It was a god turn out, a big cirlce under an octagonal roof on the side of Mt. Zao.

We practiced a simple sequence, many sun salutations, then some pranayama finishing with a meditation. To charge us, keep spirits and bodies strong, and send out some much needed good vibes into the world. It was nice to see people from my different classes get to sit down and talk together, all having yoga in common, they chatted and shared and communicated. That's what it's all about. A community of beautiful spirits, sharing experiences on this path we walk. I randomly put people into groups, as with a group of that size people tend to stick to who they already know and topics they always share.  I wondered around joining in the group sessions, some good conversations going on, every little group had it's own vibe, some very serious, others more spiritual, all good, we talked about spontaneity, mystical experiences, home practice, consumer power, varied as the people that participated. Think we all felt the joy and comfort of a yoga community.

When everyone went home, I sat by a lake, still by myself for a while, reflecting on the morning. I often wish I were a participant of classes, as I don't get the full experience, having to keep the class going, watching time, trying to make things go smooth and fun. I hope it worked for everyone. The chai was a little too sweet perhaps, and shockingly I forgot our finishing mantra, oh well, organising these events, like anything else takes practice.

Oh and today I could donate 40,000yen to Red Cross. Every little helps, and a lot of help is needed.

Om Shanti.