Wisdom all around

Went for coffee time at my husband's parents after a session of physio. They live on the outskirts of town, in a modest little house, tending the land.  It is serene.  Always feel leave in a much calmer, happier frame of mind. This is in front of their house.

My  mother-in-law is an energetic 86 year old.  She grows most of her own vegetables, cooks amazingly simple healthy old style Japanese food and can sew anything from kimono, to futons, to suits. She has a contented, peaceful energy about her.  It's nice to sit down over tea and discuss fabric.

So I show up looking a little dejected after my physio, saying it's taking so long for me to get better.  My husband and his mother then tell me the story of his motorcycle accident at the age of 19 which could have resulted in his leg being amputated. The doctor said he had never been able to successfully treat this kind of complex fracture to date, but would try.  Everything was a first, an experiment.  I hadn't heard all the details before, certainly put things into perspective. He spent three months laying still in a hospital bed, a year on crutches and three years limping. The fact that he healed perfectly, and then went on to become a professional snowboarder, amazes me  Talk about an inspiring pep talk. 

The thing I found interesting was the point his mother lingered on the longest was about how important absorbing the sun's energy is.  Yes yes, we who do yoga salute the sun and talk about absorbing prana from the suns rays. I realise the importance.  But it was beautiful to hear this wisdom being yet again confirmed.  

She told me how important it is to expose yourself to the sun, to absorb the healing rays, to eat sun dried food in winter, to always dry your clothes outside in the sun.  Simple things. How she took these sun dried foods to her son in hospital, and provided linen smelling of the sun for him.  But, I see many around who have lost this sense of the sun's power. Especially here where women go to great lengths to avoid the sun brushing their skin.  Life is led inside so often here.  The skin cancer scare. In fact in the UK they have now decided that actually, it's fine to go out in the sun, it's good for you!  Yep.  

I need to go visit more often for coffee and listen a bit more. Much wisdom here.  Every time I see her I feel a little silly for dashing off to workshops here and there, and reading all these esoteric books, when here is this serene woman who knows, right in front of me.

Not just this conversation, but recently, because of this injury, people have been opening up with many stories of pain and injury and their own learning experiences, of all varieties.  Also perhaps as I have been more still, moving at a slower pace I can take the time to see and hear more.  Listening to those around us, every one, holds some of the deepest lessons, don't you think?  

So I have been spending more time outside, and how beautiful outside around here is.  

Today, this was my workspace. I have also commandeered the scooter, seeing as riding my bicycle is still a bit much for my knee to take. But the local outside pool is providing blissful exercise. 

  

Hobble on the Mat

Well, it was a start.  Layed my single crutch down and hobbled onto my mat. Have promised myself to take this very slowly and rebuild my practice little by little.  Supplemented with physiotherapy.

One salutation to the sun.  So nice just to be back on the mat, perhaps a bit early for much, but no expectations, no judgement.  A little pranayama, and meditation.  Enough for today.  Good lady ; )

Back to the Blog

It's been a while. I stopped writing for many reasons, one was I couldn't remember why I was writing this blog in the first place.  Feel like I've gone through a bit of a growth spurt of sort, or perhaps some growing pains, nothing much to say.  I practiced, thought, wrote, studied, taught, learnt, and got on with life and that was enough.

February my old painful right knee took a major turn for the worse.  So practice was paired back to only what I could do without pain.  But for a few weeks everything was painful.  Even sleeping.

Two weeks ago I finally had surgery on the knee.

I had avoided this for too long, thinking I could somehow magically fix my knee with yoga, will power, and muscle.

Nope.  Torn menisci don't work that way.  Really.  I tried.

The last straw was bodyboarding, an enthusiastic kick to catch the wave well and truly locked my knee.  The only way out a partial meniscectomy.  Have been feeling very lucky that my knee locked in the sea, and not up a mountain, that there just so happens to be a leading authority on knees in the local hospital who could operate on me the day I hobbled in on crutches in excruciating pain. Also that it is summer holiday, my work schedule was light anyway, lessons could be easily cancelled and covered while I recuperate.

Why was my knee such a mess in the first place??? Oh yeah, yoga is bad for you I can hear people thinking....no no it wasn't the yoga.  In fact I'm always so careful with my yoga practice, it was everything else.

The ski accident, being hit by three cars in my life, breaking my right leg the first time, and damaging the knee the second, extreme sports, followed by extreme web-surfing and sewing, losing muscle...earthquake induced fear, stress, indulging in more coffee and sugar than I should have.  At times focussing perhaps too much on the spiritual and philosophical side of yoga, not working out deep pelvic muscle enough..oh the list goes on and one.

The first time I had knee problems was after a ski accident, ten years ago, very minor, no doctor, pain walking for a few weeks.  All fine for years.  Would have little pains in the months between ski and bodyboarding season.  Muscle tone down a bit. All the skiers and boarders around me are a collection of pain and injuries, that's the world of extreme sports.  Bit of pain is normal.

Then came that big old earthquake and nuclear disaster.  I sat in front of my computer for hours and hours, paralysed with fear, researching, reading, watching the winds, checking radiation levels.  Weeks of this.  Yes I did practice yoga, but it was more of an exercise in mental health maintenance.  A primary flow with Sharath.  Working on the breath and dristi, reading the Bhagavadgita. And most importantly no bodyboarding. Little did I know what a vital role this sport had played in keeping me pain free for more than a decade until I couldn't do it.

I didn't realise I was strong until I got weak.

So one day, doing the usual yoga, my hip popped.  Horrible sounding, never heard it that loud before.  They had often clicked a lot.  But this was an almighty pop.  The next day I couldn't walk up and down stairs, or much at all due to the pain in my knee.  What the hell?  I've read all the relevant articles about knees and lotus, stiff hips and pressure on menisci.  So what was going on?  Went to the doctor, and received the news that I had congential hip dysplysia.  Basically shallow hip sockets, which I had managed to keep under control by coincidentally using all the right muscles bodyboarding.  Stop the boarding, lose the muscles and femurs wobbled and popped and damaged my menisci.  On the one hand I was pleased that I hadn't done something so 'wrong' with my yoga practice, but on the other devastated that I was deformed!!!

So, I guess I hadn't worked on those muscles enough, and well to cut a long story short, many knocks to the menisci caused a tear in February (while jumping up from sitting on a cold cold night.....) thought it was getting better by June, I could walk, climb up and down stairs, ride my bike and yoga was getting back to 'normal'.  Then bam.

So surgery.  Now I am feeling more positive, this pain has gone on and off for years.  Finally it has been treated.  But I have to accept that Ashtanga yoga isn't enough to keep my thighs in their sockets. Need to supplement and literally work my arse a lot more.  Get my bones back in line.

I am very thankful to be teaching Yoga and to have this opportunity to understand my body in more depth.  Physiotherapy is just fascinating, I am drilling the guy with questions.

Determined to come out of this stronger, stronger than before. But building upon the spiritual foundations I have carved out in times of pain over the last years.  Pain really is a great teacher.  But I've had enough for now thank you.  At least these varieties of pain.

So time to rebuild my practice on all levels from step one.  Today I could finally move about the house without crutches.  Tomorrow I shall start with the Sun Salutations. Pranayama.  Meditation. Physio exercises, including light weights.

Warm for Winter Practice

I often jokingly say I live in a paper house, yet it's not too far a stretch from the truth.  Old Japanese houses certainly keep one close to nature.  In summer all the windows and ducts allow any wind there might be to pass through.  The light construction, wooden frame and walls shake well in earthquakes.

But in winter we have to be pretty tough, and learn how to keep warm.　Especially here in the North, in what is called the 'Snow Country'

OK so it's not that cold, only gets a few degrees below freezing, it's just that when I wake up in the morning, there is really only a couple of degrees difference between inside and outside. There is no insulation in the walls or roof, so we heat the room up as needed.

The room I practice in, in fact all the rooms in this house, open on at  least three walls.  We cannot, as such, say walls in the truest sense of the word, as every wall has either a window (no double glazing in rented accommodation), complete with paper screens, or cardboard like sliding screen doors.

It is cold.    We use kerosene stoves, I have one with an exhaust which makes me feel a little better about possible fumes, but it's a dry wind and I don't like to overheat the room with it when practicing.  All the deep breathing makes one very conscious of what one is inhaling.

So I have taken a new tactic in keeping warm in general and for practice.  Keep my body temperature high. I am learning the art of bathing.  This is a new experiment, shall report on bathing techniques in another post. But my theory is to keep myself warm from the inside as well as the out.

In winter I practice in merino wool snowboarding base layers.  Wonderful fabric, stretches, super soft on the skin, feels nice to sweat in, and best of all it is natural and environmentally ethical.  I've always tried to avoid synthetic fabrics.  They are just not nice for you, or for the environment, like wearing plastic.

The biggest problem us Snow Country Yogis have in winter though, is dragging ourselves out of bed into the cold.  Best way to solve this is to sleep in the lovely wool baselayer, wearing silk five finger socks and cotton and silk leg warmers.  This all keeps me seriously warm.  Warm enough to get out of bed, slip on another layer and then a down vest.  Into the kitchen for my warm water with lemon juice, then up to the icy yoga room, turn on the heater, and out for a brisk brisk warm/jog/run to get the blood flowing and warm.  Then am reading for practice.


All this seems to be working.  Am practicing, and not feeling the cold too badly yet.  I also think the bathing is helping.

Finally, the BEST bit about winter practice is the sleeping bag for Savasana.  The ONLY way to achieve total relaxation is to have a warm body, and this is the coziest end to a practice.  I have to set my alarm as security as it's very conducive to nodding off again.

How does everyone else cope with cold climate practice? I guess if one is lucky enough to have double glazing and a little insulation things don't get so chilly indoors, or do they?

Alone but Not

Practice was precluded a little while back, for the first time in eight  years, two weeks of zero asana practice.  Not by choice. Am fine now.  But wasn't.  I made the most of a dreary situation, and actually it was quite nice.  Physical practice was out, but mental practice was abundant..  I let go.  I read, drank tea, and for once just took it easy.

Back on form now, and just spent a while catching up on some blog reading, was thinking to let this blog go, but I feel that it keeps me in the cyber shala, even if no-one reads it that's fine. Was wondering why I do this,  I don't have too much to say, and the more I practice the less and less I have to say.  No that's not true, I have lots to say, just don't feel the need to share right now.  Maybe selfish, lazy, not sure.  Perhaps, and this is how it feels, I am in a time of, so to say, digestion, quiet time.  I like it.  But I like the cyber-shala too, so shall dip a toe in from time to time.  Of all things in Yoga I do feel community of every kind is one of the most important things.

In fact a while back, a teacher I like very much said the ingredients we need for an effective yoga practice are:
1. Teacher
2. Community (Sangha - Spiritual Community)
3. Study and Effort
4. Time (I took this as in making time in the day, but apparently he meant accumulated time, either way)

Of course there is much more, but this simple little list helped me a lot.  I used to feel a little envious of those who have a shala they can go to, a teacher in whose hands they can trust.  I teach, and I sometimes wished I were in the students place instead.  But I do feel, that because I teach, and because people come, we have a community, albeit small, that does help keep me going in my home practice. As time goes on, my desire to visit, and travel to see teachers becomes less and less. Knowing the really important work is always done alone, in the daily practice.  I have met so many wonderful teachers who always show the way a little further.  However, right now, I feel I am at a point where I need to walk alone for a little while. It's a nice place to be, and the shala-envy I once felt has gone.

These days, as it slowly gets colder and colder I find myself feeling very calm and content.  Staying home, practicing yoga, reading, drinking tea, listening to music and sewing.  Sewing, sewing, sewing, sewing.  Just love every aspect of it, from choosing combinations of colours, to shopping for threads and zippers, learning how to do it better, all the preparation, cutting, ironing, finally to the meditative tat tat tat of the machine as the needle goes in and out. Solitude.  My work takes me out, and in the midst of many people, it's the perfect balance. Sociable work, for a recluse.