On the Periphery

Had a three days of Mysore class with T-sensei this weekend. Nothing like the knowing gaze of your regular teacher.  Regular in that I see him two or three times a year.  It was great.  He has great energy.  The classes always feel light and joyful. He teaches in a way that I can get,  he says, I understand, try, and can do.

Thanks to some pointers and hands on help am nearly landing Karandasana.

He brought news from the Ashtanga world both in Tokyo and Mysore.  I really am on the very periphery of this ashtanga scene, yet feel very much in it in the ways that matter.  I have links with some wonderful teachers, a consistant practice and some friends scattered here and there, not least my classes here in Yamagata, and other fellow teachers and associates ; )  I was vaguely aware that Sharath was in Tokyo, I knew he was coming, but it being out of the question for me to attend I didn't pay it much heed.  Sharath had a good time in Tokyo, hearing about him made me want to go practice in Mysore again.  Didn't go but got the t-shirt, ha!  Not my usual kind of thing, but am feeling that I want to be in the group at the moment. A feeling that people who practice this yoga are connected, there is connection and community, and that is good.

However, I do like my peripheral postiotion, in part brought on by my northern distant location, and in part by my nature. I have always been on the edge.

Foreign parents referring to 'english people' this 'english people' that, at school I stood out, something not quite the same as all the other kids on the council estate. I ate different food, wore slightly different clothes and spoke a little differently.  Nothing major but enough for the kids to pick up on.  I did experience bullying, nothing that has left me traumatized, but enough to set me apart and I feel make me a stronger more independent person.

Because of my exclusion from school friends I made freinds on the streets out of school.  Not always the most savoury of types, other people on the edges of society, but not in the same way as me.  Kids in homes, on the street, into all sorts of things I'd rather not write about here,. lets just say periphery kids. then at Univeristy I found myself more comfortable with the 'mature' students, rather than the 18 year olds who'd just be let loose from parental control for the first time, again on the edges of it all looking in. So it's no wonder I feel comfortable enough in my postition as foreigner in Japan. A part of the group and society, yet able to look in from outside with a slightly clearer view.  Being here has also made me see my home, the UK much more clearly.  Being on the periphery does give us perspective, and I enjoy this very much in the yoga world.  Very much a part of it, but not wrapped up overwhelmingly in the circles and groups that form.

Back bending - Coming through the Confusion

Post Rolf and Marci practice. Been working hard on the back bends. Marci pointed out that all the action in my back bending was happening in one place, like a hinge in my lower spine. She said I had an over extended lordic curve and was in danger of damaging my spine if I continued in the way I had been going.

I had read the theory of back bending, but obviously hadn't applied it to my own practice, I couldn't see myself clearly and in some cases couldn't make the connection to certain muscle groups on my own, without the helping hand of a teacher.

The work now is to spread the bend throughout my entire spine, to awaken my inner thigh muscles and keep legs parallel with unclenched buttocks and fully engaged bandhas.

In comes block work.  This was an eye opener.  Marci wanted me to hold a block between my ankles, another between my knees, and then with gluteus muscles fully relaxed, tail bone drawing to my heels and lower abdomen hollowed (uddhiyana bandha engaged) to lift up.  No belly popping, no thrusting. To do this with totally relaxed buttocks took some time to get.  But when I did, my inner thigh muscles started burning like they never had before.  Had one of those 'aha' moments.  This is how it feels to work the inner thighs fully, finally an awakening.

Have been continuing with this and the next stages. I am noticing changes.  Am able to work my legs hard. also my arms are working harder.  I don't feel any pressure in my lower back but some very strange muscle pains on either side of my lower back.

Actually, feel like I have back pain.  I've never had a bad back.  At least not since I was 15, and the doctor told me to get some excercise..  For a few days I worried, practiced gently, what did I do?  I've been practicing correctly, following the instructions.  Confusion and doubt crept in.

Consult my husband, a sportsman, who prods, questions and then bursts out laughing, telling me it's nothing more serious than a bit of muscle pain.

* * * * *    One month later  * * * * * 

All is great.  Still working with blocks and props trying to spread the bend along my spine.  Am using my legs and bandhas much more effectively now.  It feels amazing. Also my back no longer pops and cracks so much.  For a while there I felt the need to crack it a few times a day.  This has gone. Something shifted into place, and perhaps developed some long neglected muscles.  The back pain I had, was indeed some deep muscle pain.  Am enjoying working on this very much.  It is tough for me as my lower spine does bend so easily, to control it with strength is taking some doing.  I am enjoying working hard at practice again though, I can see, and feel change, not just in my body but my whole being. 

Oh my Blog!

What has happened to my blogging instinct?  Gone, flown away, I guess I forgot to schedule blogging time into my new rout...ahem..rhythm. It's not that I've suddenly got nothing to say, I've never got nothing to say!  I have half-written posts coming out of my ears.  It's just that something else always needs to be done more urgently before I finish writing.   Maybe I don't have anything that important to say after all.  I was contemplating the amount of babble floating around in cyberspace, and wondering if my voice needs to be added to this, but a post by Grimmly reminded me why I started blogging in the first place.  To gather my thoughts and share them with those who may be interested, be a part of a community.

So this is just to break the ice, say hi, show my face in the cyber-shala.

So hello to anyone out there.  How are you?  Enjoying that what is Yoga?

To start with.  Practice.  It's been good.  I am still following Marci's advice.   It seems to be working.  The biggest change has been in Pincha Murayasana.  By stretching up through my inner thighs to the balls of my feet, stabilising my pelvis and working those bandha's in my hands I have finally achieved stability consistent enough to fold into lotus.  Feels great.

However, more than asana I have been working on my concentration and my thoughts.  Trying to not let my mind wander, and when it does, to keep it positive.  Actually, this is keeping me busy throughout the day.  Not letting my mind go down it's habitual negative street.

OK so nothing much but a post to break the ice and lubricate those keyboard tapping fingers and get the blogging juices flowing.

Daily Rhythm

Read one line in a book (The End of Illness - Dr. David B. Agur) on the airplane to India that totally changed my perspective on an issue I'd been struggling with for a long time.

Routine.

"Life needn't be monotonous and boring, but when it's rhythmic and imbued with predictability the body responds positively"

Not sure why this line caught my attention so, perhaps because I had so many negative assoications with the word routine.  Connotations of boredom, lack of creativity, and spontaneity.  On the other hand, I had also been noticing how my random schedule was draining my reserves, leaving no energy for creation.  Practice was becoming a chore I had to cram into my schedule somewhere.  Working late, eating late. Waking, practising, and feeding at random times.  Energy levels, circadian rhythms, gone haywire. Relying on coffee and sugar for energy when ebbing low.

When I started a regular daily asana practice I was in a regular 9-5 job. Practising everyday came easily with such routine, yet my job was so mundane and slow it was eating away at my spirit. Now I love all my little jobs. I have a lovely collection of work, I'm happy to be doing.  But it is random.

Rhythm.

Rhythmic days on the other hand sound beautiful, like music, or the sound of waves.  Like a pattern that is fun to follow.  In India I always fall into a very predictable rhythm, and feel great for it.  Early morning practice, regular meals, early nights and an abundance of energy.There is still room for spontaneity in between the rhythm markers.  Of course, it helps that there is no work to get in the way.

Now, the challenge, was to bring this sense of rhythm, that my body and mind appreciates so deeply, to my erratic life back home.

I sat down, looked at my seemingly chaotic schedule and carved out a routine. Set a wake up time I could keep everyday, while getting just enough sleep and having time to practice before a breakfast time I could also, more or less, stick to everyday.

It's not just a daily practice that is key to Ashtanga yoga, but a daily rhythm which starts off with some sacred space. It's nothing new, but I'd let this slip in the craziness of self-employment.

The first week was tough, a combination of getting back to work after a month off, and breaking old habits.  With new determination I stuck to my simple rules of times to wake-up,  practice, eat, and sleep.

Finished the third week now. It hasn't been easy.  But I am sticking with it. It is working wonders.  It feels great.  Settled.  Simple.  Loving it. 

Rolf and Marci

Still in the process of digesting all that I learnt whilst in Goa.  Takes a while for things to sink in, to experiment, to make the experience mine.   I felt like I was on a information gathering mission, to collect, bring back, lots of homework to keep me going for a while.  Mission accomplished.

So Rolf and Marci what a duo. Teaching the same thing yet in such different ways.

Rolf was very very peaceful, powerful adjustments and sparkling eyes.  His adjustments hit the mark, and teach in one movement what a 1000 words couldn't do. Gentle and strong.  His body was no that of a 'normal' person, nothing spare, when at ease very soft and still, yet sinuous and powerful when in action, a Yogi (in the true sense of the word) at work.  It felt wonderful to be in his presence and under his gaze.

Marci, great knowledge of body mechanics and how yoga works.  I totally admired and respected her teaching, but sometimes the energy that came with it, the delivery of knowledge grated on me in a very physical way.  All kinds of emotions came up and out while under Marci's gaze, at times it felt like she was the destroyer of ego, which is good, at others like she was just a bit too busy and stressed out.  Not sure, many people had many theories on Marci.  There was love in her eyes and passion in her teaching. She is a difficult person, but then so am I. Actually when explaining to a couple of friends they said perhaps you are alike. She is a straight talker that's for sure, no sugar coating and not trying for popularity.  Rather to teach what she believes and knows, with total integrity. I respect that wholeheartedly.  I was feeling a little fragile, physically, emotionally and mentally,  I had been storing the trauma of the last year in my body and so there was some pain.  But certainly no injury. Healing.

But boy does she TEACH.  I felt frustrated that my time with her was so short, yet somehow between them they seemed to cram everything I needed into to my short stay.  I bow down to their lotus feet in appreciation for reviving my lagging practice.  They both work so hard, tirelessly, honestly, devotedly.

Since coming back the quality of my practice has improved, where I was stuck, although there is no real change, I do not feel stuck anymore. They provided me with the tools and the route with which to proceed.  Between them it felt like they provided a mirror of both my good and bad sides, I can see a bit more clearly now.

I hope I'll be able to practice with them both again.  But for now I have much work to do.  I had picked up bad habits and shortcuts and Marci slammed me for them, no holding back.  There was no surprise, leg behind the head and back bending needs much work..  When I asked which was worse in back bending, splayed feet or heels lifting, she replied both are totally unacceptable.  So I started back bending 101.  I continue with working with Marci's words with me and am excited to take practice again.