1 Jun 2011

As for practice

It's there、daily practice.. Each practice has a different focus, depending the state of my body, energy levels, weather, that day's schedule.

Recently I have been continuing the struggle with legs behind head. This week has been rather stiff and heavy Sunday it felt like I was dragging myself kicking and screaming through the whole practice. Thoughts of why am I doing this, I should quit ashtanga, my body just isn't the right shape, flashed through my mind. Actually, for the first time, my frustration peaked and nearly ended in tears. Negativity and defeat. To overcome this was my lesson of the week, keep practicing and let go of the outcome. Practice for practice’s sake, practice is the key word here, not perfection. Let go of expectation. That was Sunday, since then I’ve been focusing on what I can do, working harder at landing Bakasana B and generally enjoying the inner freedom I feel when on the mat and am able to let go of the outcomes.

I heard about a lady who is practicing really hard because she wants to be a yoga teacher. This struck me as so incongruent, such a bizarre goal to hold. To practice hard to become a teacher?? Seriously? Seems to be the antithesis of what a yoga practice is about. Is this really what it’s all about? Practice should be something a little sacred, something you enjoy, something that makes you feel better, to try hard to progress, to become a better, stronger, calmer, clearer person, at least that’s what got me practicing hard in the first place. Perhaps I should call myself the reluctant teacher, a role I originally took because I just wanted yoga in my life, with other people who love it around me, and with the departure of my teacher, fear that what we had would be lost. Admittedly I absolutely love to share, love to see the progression, love to see people change, love going to class and being with all the wonderful people gathered, for this I am incredibly grateful. But, I do have those weeks, like this last one, where I’ve been wishing I could concentrate more energy on my own practice, feeling like running off to India. Last week was the busiest week I’ve had in a while, no time to stop. I did get to practice everyday, but I really had to schedule in my practice time, and I wonder why I was so stiff and heavy.

So, I shall try hard to not attach myself to outcomes. Practice for practice’s sake. Ahem, while working on floaty jump throughs, some kind of jump back, and bakasana b landing, hmmm.

No comments:

Post a Comment